Life

Not much new on the spiritual front lately. Haven't had a session with the rabbi in a couple weeks, because he was consumed by family crises, then I was out of town and too tired for our session this past week. Being out of town, I didn't get to attend any services this past weekend. This coming weekend, I hope to get my lazy butt out of bed and attend both Saturday synagogue services and a Quaker meeting on Sunday.

At our Building Your Own Theology class last night, we talked about the nature of God. I'm pretty much the only one in the group who believes in a personal relationship with God. Others either don't believe in a higher power, or believe in a deistic God who created the world and takes no real interest in it. (My argument is why would God even bother to create the world if he/she was not going to take an interest in it afterward?)

Our BYOT leader proposed to his girlfriend publicly at the UU General Assembly in front of thousands of people. That's pretty neat. However, I'm not envious. I remain committed to the single life. I think I was meant to be on my own. Relationships literally drive me crazy. I am much more sane when I am single. It helps that I have a cat to love, who gives me unconditional affection. I don't know if I could care about a partner as much as I care for my cat, which might sound pretty sad, but it's true... just because my cat is consistent in giving love, is not hard to understand, and makes me the center of his universe. Hard not to reciprocate all that...

Torah study

I attended my first Torah study group yesterday. The rabbi had no beard, and actually wore a skirt... yes, it was a FEMALE rabbi! That was a surprise. I hadn't even known that women could be rabbis. But I guess it is acceptable for Reform Jews (not Orthodox, however). She wore a little gold and pearl yamulke. She seemed pretty sharp. She did a good job of interpreting the text for us. She's fairly young and quite dynamic. I hope to see her again, if I attend the Torah study group on a regular basis. They're recessing for the summer, however.

At the gathering yesterday, I was introduced to a new Jewish dish - kugel/kegel (not sure how to spell, and it's pronounced two different possible ways). It's a noodle pudding of some sort. Very, very good. I'm liking the Jewish food I'm discovering so far.

I'm currently reading a book called "Judaism for Everyone," about how Jewish values can apply to the lives of all people, not just Jews. It states that Judaism is about the triumph of superior "feminine" values over inferior, aggressive "masculine" vallues. It puts spirituality and morality over military might, etc. And it states that because of Jewish focus on morality, other peoples have persecuted the Jews because they have seen Jews as "pests" who have sought to spoil their "fun." Some interesting food for thought.

Hopefully God will forgive me...

I was "bad" this past weekend. I slept in instead of going to the Jewish services on Saturday morning or the Quaker service I had planned to attend on Sunday morning. But both days I did read about religion (Judaism and Baha'i), so I did expand my mind/spirit. And Sunday night I dined with some local Baha'is. I broke kosher for that one evening, because the hosts served chicken, and being sort of the guest of honor, I didn't want to insult them. I tried not to eat too much of it. The Baha'is gave me their best sales pitch, complete with DVD. They seem like nice people, and I see no reason not to join a study circle the hosts are trying to put together. Their prophet, Baha'u'llah, has many wise and thoughtful writings, so they are worth studying, and he does seem to be prophetic in many ways. In any event, it certainly wouldn't hurt to study his writings and learn from his wisdom.

We talked last night about human nature, at my UU Building Your Own Theology course. Our task for next week is to compose a "credo" about what we consider human nature to be like. I will take a stab at it here:

I believe that humans are a highly evolved form of mammals that are set apart from other animals by self-consciousness, spirituality (in most cases), and a superior intellect and ability to reason. We also experience a wider range of emotions than other animals. Humans experience strong passions and drives, along with a socially prescribed philosophy (in most cases) that these passions and drives should be moderated and held in check, for the good of society as a whole. Humans possess the capacity for both great good/altruism and great evil/self-centeredness, though it must be said that "good and evil" are largely socially-defined concepts that can vary from culture to culture. However, I do believe that some things are purely evil or good no matter what culture you come from - for example, the Holocaust is evil no matter how you look at it, and figures like Mother Teresa cannot have their innate goodness questioned by anyone. I think the environment plays a big role in shaping human character, but inborn traits do exist, as well as genetic factors such as mental illness, in some cases, that affect behavior and "character." I think most human beings are well-intentioned, but many cannot rise above self-centeredness and achieve true transcendance of the self to place the good of humanity as a whole above their own needs and desires. I think most people simply try to "muddle through" life the best they can, with many of them mired in confusion about how exactly to go about doing so and what their essential purpose in life might be.

As for what that purpose is, I think it is to expand the mind and strengthen the soul. It is to go beyond oneself and see the larger reality, the interconnectedness of all people and things, the temporary nature of this world and its material things, and the promise of (hopefully!) an infinitely better life to come in the next world, if indeed there is a God/Creator who will one day summon us to the afterlife. Even if there is no afterlife, and this life is all we have, we must look beyond the self and strive to make this world the best place possible to live for as many people as possible. We should shun war and hatred and prejudice, and instead embrace diversity and seek unity; we should endeavor to eliminate gross inequalities in wealth; we should not let differences of class, race, gender, sexual orientation, or religious belief divide us. In short, we should live in the spirit of harmony and peace. The "evil" and selfish side of human nature often prevents this in practice, but it is important to uphold altruistic principles as something to strive for as an ideal...

Everything happens for a reason

Well, I ended up having a phone lesson with my rabbi for my first lesson yesterday, because he had to suddenly go to CA due to his grandmother being in a (perhaps intentional, on her part) one-car accident. But even with more important things going on in his life, he still thought of me, which I thought was really nice of him. Our conversation was interrupted a few times by him losing service during the drive, and during one of the interruptions, my mom called to tell me she was in the hospital with pneumonia. Since she is going to be 79 in a couple months, it made me really worry. But the rabbi, once I got back on the phone with him, was very comforting, saying "it's all good" - even if the "worst" were to happen, she would be with God in Paradise, and if the "best" were to happen, she'll be fine and recover quickly. I think my spiritual quest, which brought this rabbi into my life, was meant to happen now, when I need some spirituality to get me through the worry.

It also helps that I called the nurses station last night and they said she should be okay; they're running some tests and giving her antibiotics, and hopefully she will be home soon. That reassured me too.

Let's just hope God isn't ready for her yet!

The joys of kosher

I am actually enjoying my efforts to eat kosher. It has become a ritual that reminds me of my faith every time I eat. I do feel more "holy" for doing it, and I am probably eating a lot healthier than when I had McDonalds or Burger King or Wendy's hamburgers all the time. I can get a good, non-greasy grilled kosher burger at the Scottsdale Deli and Grill, or a yummy bologna or turkey sandwich, and buy a nice selection of kosher food at the adjoining market. It may be more expensive than shopping at Fry's, but as long as I feel I am benefitting from it, it is worth it.

More similar than different

I read about the Quakers last night, and they seemed very similar in their beliefs to the Baha'i faith and Judaism (and Unitarian Universalism), or at least not incompatible. They lack a creed, but believe in a personal connection with God (the "inner light") and the divine spark of life in every person. I don't see any reason why I couldn't identify myself with ALL of these religions - be a Jewish/Baha'i/Quaker/UU, and attend different services and study circles as I see fit. I like the Quakers' stance, similar to the UUs, regarding homosexuality - that it's absolutely to be accepted. Essentially, a lot of what the Quakers believe resonates with me (with the possible exception of "simplicity" - I love my material things, like clothes and shoes, too much to live "simply") - the pacifism, the belief in honesty at all times, the "inner light," the belief in protecting the environment, belief in connections with all living things, etc. I have found all four religions - Judaism, Baha'i, Quakerism, and UU'ism - to speak to me in their various ways, with very little to really disagree with. Other than the fact that I don't believe in the Bible absolutely literally but as a somewhat historical record that contains much that is symbolic. I don't know how my rabbi would feel about that. But I think the other three faiths would concur with my sentiments. Though some Quakers may take the Bible literally. Quakers vary in their beliefs, just like the UUs, since there is no creed; some don't even believe in God, but are still spiritual and feel a life force that permeates all living things.

Next I'll start reading "The Complete Idiot's Guide to Judaism." My rabbi had said that would be an okay book to start with when I ran it by him. So, that will give us something to talk about at our meeting Thursday. I'm looking forward to it.

Also looking forward to my second UU religious ed class tonight....

Mazel tov!

I enjoyed my first Jewish service on Saturday morning. It really resonated with me and inspired me spiritually, with its emotional focus on God, mixed with the history of the Jewish people. Even if I can't claim that history personally, as a Gentile, I can relate to it and appreciate it.

Well, I was the most "observant" woman in the building, LOL. My rabbi had told me to dress conservatively and even wear a hat or other head covering, but there was only one other woman in a hat, and my skirt was probably the longest in the congregation. And I was one of the few women in long sleeves on a 100-degree day. Some females were even in sleeveless outfits, especially the teens - many of them wore spaghetti-strap dresses with shortish skirts. So... I took the hat back to the store (I'm not a hat person at all; I'd never wear it). In the future, I won't dress so conservatively - I will wear short sleeves, and maybe still a long skirt - but no hat!

Did some shopping at the Jewish market yesterday. Tried blintzes... yum!!!

I'm reading a book on the Baha'i, and they don't seem to conflict with Judaism at all. They accept all the Jewish prophets (as well as Jesus and Muhammad as prophets, along with their founder, Baha'u'llah), and many of the teachings and concepts seem similar. I see no reason not to study both faiths. The book is really resonating with me and I find myself agreeing with just about everything in it.

Next Sunday, I'm going to try the Quakers. I hope to do some preperatory reading this week before attending their service. And Saturday I plan to go to temple again. So it will be a busy religious weekend for me. And of course Thursday night I start my studies with my rabbi, and Tuesday night is BYOT at VUU...

In addition to getting my spiritual life in order, I am trying to get my "outer" life in order as well - cleaning my apartment and my car. I got the car cleaned out over the weekend, and most of my apartment... cleared lots of clutter. I still have a couple areas of the apt to clean. But overall, I'd no longer be embarrassed for someone to enter my apartment. It doesn't look like a total slob lives there anymore!

Keepin' it kosher

I had dinner last night at one of the kosher restaurants my rabbi had recommended, and had the best bologna sandwich I had ever had. Made Oscar Mayer look like nothing. Thick-cut and very tasty. Worth the $10 price, which was the cheapest thing on the menu. (A roast beef sandwich costs $20!) The lady at the counter was from Israel, and she was interested in the fact that I am an outsider studying Judaism, because she never knew anyone who did this (in Israel, most "outsiders" are Arabs, and she said they don't tend to study Judaism!). I got hungry again later in the evening, so I had rice-a-roni with cheese sauce. That should be all right. I have beef rice-a-roni, but wasn't sure if that would be okay, even though there's no real beef in it, just beef flavoring. My rabbi said to check for a kosher symbol on food to see if it's kosher or not. So I'll start doing that when grocery shopping.

I talked to an Orthodox Jewish lady at work (she says she's a convert). She invited me to lunch next week to talk about the faith. We'll go to the cafe at the Jewish Community Center. I look forward to it. (She told me, "Welcome to the tribe!")

Meanwhile, a bunch of books on various religions are available at the Scottsdale library for me to pick up - on Quakerism, Baha''i, and Judaism. So I'll be doing lots of reading this summer!

Going a step further

I had sworn I wouldn't do the whole head-covering thing, but my rabbi suggested I wear a hat or other head covering to the Jewish service I plan to visit on Saturday, so I bit the bullet and bought a hat from Nordstrom; I will pick it up after work today. It's cute, a cloth slouch-type thing that covers the whole head. I don't look good in fancy hats. But this, I think I can pull off. http://shop.nordstrom.com/S/3094769?Category=&Search=True&SearchType=keywordsearch&keyword=hats&origin=searchresults

Sampling different congregations

Actually, the congregation my rabbi had wanted me to check out was Temple Solel. He really recommends the rabbi there. Though he had no problem with Kol Ami. So I think I will try Kol Ami next Friday night just for kicks, and Solel this Saturday morning (June 5), because they have a Saturday morning service. My rabbi has advised me to wear a hat or other head covering, so that made me break my moratorium on shopping. I found a fashionable cloth slouch hat online at Nordstrom's that I could order and go pick up in the store. It was under $30, so not too bad. I'm not really a hat person, but this one shouldn't make me look TOO stupid.

Torah study group

One Jewish congregation has been very friendly to me (at least, the lady who answers their e-mail has been very friendly), not only inviting me to a service but now inviting me to their Torah study group. I'm not going to their service when I take off work Friday the 11th, as I had originally planned, because my rabbi said their congregation is a bit "over my head" since it is a very wealthy congregation, so I wouldn't fit in. But I see no harm in attending a study group where you don't have to pay anything. The next study group is June 19, and I would like to go. Hopefully my rabbi will approve.

On the 11th, I am going to attend services at the temple my rabbi recommended, Temple Kol Ami. Their website makes them sound like a friendly and welcoming congregation. I have no idea what to expect, but hopefully I won't do anything stupid!

Trying it on for size

Well, I didn't dress "modestly" today, which would earn me no points with my rabbi (but hey, this is Arizona, and not only is it hot outside, my cubicle is absolutely sweltering, and the only way I can stand it is to wear sleeveless and/or thin-material clothing to work). But I did try to eat a kosher diet. For breakfast/lunch, I had several biscuits from Burger King (I am addicted to them). Then I had an early dinner just now of a fish sandwich from Wendy's, sans tartar sauce. I'm not a big fan of fish, but since meat is off limits.... I don't know if Wendy's fish really meets the kosher criteria (it has to have a dorsal fin and swim in the ocean, according to the rabbi), but at least I made the effort. I'm going to try to keep up the kosher effort until we meet next week, so I can hopefully give him something to be proud of me for. And it will show him I am serious about learning Jewish ways and values. I will try to dress "modestly" for my meeting with him next week, and when I attend a temple next Friday night, the 11th. The people at the temple said not to wear anything sleeveless. I'll take that to heart and try to be as conservative as possible to avoid attracting attention. Even down to my shoes. (I have some pretty wild ones.)

Hmmm, what can I have for dinner tomorrow that's kosher? I have some Rice a Roni. That should be okay...

Update

Well, I hear the Quakers do meet every week. It is just their biz meeting that is once a month. So I can go a week from Sunday and check out their worship.

Had dinner with the rabbi last night. He was a very animated, personable guy. I am going to study with him for a bit on Jewish history, tradition, and beliefs. He ain't cheap, but hopefully it will be worth it. His website is http://www.rabbiabrams.org

Meanwhile, I will continue my UU studies. Hopefully all this study won't make me more confused than when I began!

Update

Well, I can't go to the Quaker service after all on Sunday because Famous Footwear has a meeting (mandatory) Sunday morning. Bummer. Guess I'll have to wait till next month, since the Quakers only meet once a month (not a bad deal, huh?).

I'm having dinner with the rabbi tonight. My main question will be about how literally one is supposed to take the Bible, since I don't take it literally at all. I find meaning in it but through interpretation, not through belief in every single word as fact.

I heard back from the Bahais. They said they will get me hooked up with a study group. That would be cool. I liked the Bahai readings I have done in the past on my own. Though I don't share the founder's utopian message about one religion enveloping the world one day, and a time of peace and prosperity for the entire world. It's a nice vision, but nothing that will be seen anytime in MY lifetime, anyway...

As for Debtors Anonymous, I decided I don't need it. The same witch who had cut me off midsentence while I was "sharing" on Thursday showed up at a different meeting I tried to go to on Sunday, so I walked out. So, it seems I can't go to a meeting near me without her showing up. Besides, I already know everything DA teaches/preaches - don't use credit cards, don't buy lots of things you don't need, save money when possible, etc. Trust in a higher power. I've pretty much already gone through all their "12 steps" on my own without knowing it, like accepting I have a problem, trusting in a higher power, etc. The main one I need to work on, making amends to those you have "harmed," would entail me trying to pay back my mom for all she has given me over the years to help me out, and I intend to do that as soon as my financial situation allows. I am at least stabilized enough for a while for her to not have to send me any "bailout money," I think.

I've put a "shopping moratorium" on myself until at least June 24. That's when I'm flying to Maryland to visit a friend, and I figured we'd be going shopping at some point, and I wanted to be able to do so without feeling guilty. So - no clothes or shoes in the meantime. Save it for June. And then don't go wild, be reasonable with the purchasing. My friend will help keep me in check, I'm sure. She's very practical. And she lectures me about my shopping addiction, like my mom.

Anyway, I hope through my spiritual quest, it will direct me away from the desire to shop and give me something more important and valuable to think about and spend my time on.