Tonight was the first session (well, the first session I attended) of a Unitarian Universalist course in "Building Your Own Theology." Many people shared their personal spiritual journeys. I found it to be an open and sympathetic group, and felt comfortable sharing details of my life, including the fact that on the sliding scale of sexuality, I fall a bit on the bisexual side - one main reason why the UU church appeals to me and many other churches turn me off.
I could identify with those people who said they had been stuck in a rut, unhappy with their jobs or lives in general. Several times I have broken away from jobs and my life in general to try to find something better (sometimes it turned out for the worse, but oh well). But I think I am in a good place now. One reason I believe in God is the call I got from my current employer who saw my resume on CareerBuilder.com - it was the perfect job for me, at the perfect time in my life. I had been working far below my education level, as a Marshalls store associate, and while at first I liked it, I came to hate it when I got criticized for working too slowly, not being "cheerful" enough, etc. Plus it paid NOTHING. My current company pays quite well, and I love the job. Most of the time!
As I stated at the meeting, another one of those "little moments in life" that reinforces my faith in a higher power is the fact that my cat decided to move in with me the way he did. I was lonely and needed the companionship, and he was homeless and needed care and love. I truly feel that God brought us together.
My concept of God is as a gender-neutral being who can help make positive things happen, but isn't responsible for every single thing that happens in the world. For example, I don't believe God gave my father cancer. My father got cancer because he was old (78) and didn't get regular screenings that could have caught it early. I don't think God causes natural disasters. I think God has better things to do than mess with the weather. I think he leaves it to itself, and if disasters happen, it's a great shame, but not God's fault.
Although I do believe God can "help out" a little, I generally believe in free will. I don't believe God controls EVERYTHING and that we should simply and meekly submit to his will (I use the male pronoun as a reflex, though I consider God asexual). I think we hold the key to our own destiny in many ways, and adopting a defeatist approach doesn't get you anywhere. I think it is important to keep asking questions, to keep searching, to keep an interest in spiritual matters, and if you don't believe in God the same way I do, that's perfectly all right. I think the important thing is how you live your life and treat other people (and animals). And you can have spiritual experiences, like in nature, without them necessarily being connected to God.
For instance, when I flew into Salt Lake City for the first time en route to a job interview in Idaho, the sun was going down, and the mountains were ablaze. It was breathtaking, and made me feel like there might be a higher power, after all (this is when I was still pretty atheistic). Several years later, I took a Native American spirituality class, and we learned to commune with nature in the Native way, in the UP of Michigan. Again, I wasn't really sold on the concept of God, but I felt a sense of a higher power while relaxing in the woods or sitting on the shores of the lake, listening to the loons, as Jim described at the meeting.
My most scary "spiritual" experience came after my dad passed away a couple years ago. I was lying in bed, wide awake, and I could clearly feel the pressure of a hand on my shoulder. Like a comforting hand. Now, my dad had slept in that room shortly before passing away. I don't know whether I imagined it, but it felt very real, and it wasn't, say, the cat jumping in bed or some rational explanation. The experience both weirded me out, and comforted me, thinking that maybe there was an afterlife and my dad was telling me not to worry. I want to believe there is an afterlife. Though I really hope I go to the "good" part of it!
Well, that's about enough rambling for now. Till later...
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