Holy mackerel

I have gone through my wardrobe - first the mountains of dirty clothes, then the jam-packed closet full of clean clothes - and purged nearly 300 items I plan to give to charity! (And that doesn't even include the five grocery bags' worth I gave to the non-charity resale shop.) I carefully itemized each one for tax-deduction purposes, assigning a value based on the Salv Army and Goodwill tables, trying to lowball it if anything so the IRS couldn't say I was too extravagant in my estimates.... and all told, my nearly 300 items are worth over $1700 for tax deduction purposes!! Imagine how much money I would have today if I hadn't bought all those clothes, new. No wonder I'm so deep in debt.

I knew I had a fetish for clothing, but I never realized how intense the sickness was till now. I didn't even realize I had as many clothes as I had. I guess those manic episodes just caused me to go wild, and they accumulated, and accumulated...

Now I need to be disciplined and not buy any more clothes for a while. I think I'm pretty much set for life, so no need!

Switching gears, I am finding myself really pulled toward the Baha'i faith, while I am pretty much deciding that Judaism is not the path for me. And I still need to try a Quaker service. If I can ever get up early enough on a Sunday.

I might very well end up in the Baha'i camp...

Detachment

I am reading some Baha'i writings, and they talk quite a bit about detachment - not being wrapped up in the material things of this world, that are temporary and ultimately meaningless. As I look about my bedroom, overrun by dirty clothes bags (even as my closet overflows with clean clothes), I realize how misplaced my value of clothes (and shoes, which have also taken over my apartment) has been. In an effort to fill an empty place inside, and/or motivated by manic frenzies in which I wanted every pretty thing to wear that I saw, I have amassed more clothes than 10 women could ever need in a lifetime. Or worse. I can't even find any of my jeans in my mountains of dirty clothes, so I can't do "casual week" at my workplace. Now, THAT is definitely a sign that I have way too many clothes!

I think I am ready, having fed my clothing appetite until I absolutely gorged myself, to rise above this petty attachment to material goods and detach myself from them. I can still enjoy wearing nice clothes, but I certainly won't buy anymore, and I won't be as vain about those I do have. Same thing with shoes - no new shoes, and less elevation of them to a show-off symbol. I can probably save a ton of money by curbing my shopping madness. I wonder how much better off I would be financially if I had reached the satisfaction/detachment level sooner.

One problem is, I like my clothes so much (I am good about only buying things I really like) that I can't find it in my heart to give them away, usually, and then I buy more, so I'm just always adding and adding and never getting rid of things I decide I don't want. But it is time to stop. Time to detach. I will probably never wear out any of the clothes I now have, since I have so many that I never wear any one thing too many times, with the exception of underwear. I am set for life. Same thing with shoes. So I can focus on other things. Deeper things. More meaningful things. Such as my spiritual life.

Lifestyle ideals

Yesterday at the UU Building Your Own Theology class, we had a worksheet to do on which a number of different lifestyle types were presented, from severely introverted to severely extroverted, and we had to rate how appealing or unappealing these lifestyles would each be for us. It was good food for thought. I think I would come down right in the middle. I am slightly more on the introvert side, so the lifestyles that emphasize finding value in "alone time" tended to have more appeal for me, but I also value my friendships and doing things with my friends, so I would not want to be totally alone all the time. My best friend may be my cat, but that doesn't mean I don't value my human friends. :-)

We also had to list five principles/convictions/values we held of a religious nature. One of mine was following the Golden Rule, but I acknowledged that it is a tough rule to follow for me because I lack patience with people. I need to work on that...

Rabbi refund

I don't think I posted this yet, I will be receiving a refund from the rabbi. He totally apologized after I "fired" him, saying he let me down, he flaked out (his words, but also the way I described it privately), he was too consumed with family crises to give me proper attention, etc. I'm glad I will get a refund - I desperately need the money, for school as well as bills.

At least I know another rabbi, a woman. I may have mentioned her before. She answered some questions for me (for free, no less!), including whether animals have a soul and can go to Paradise (the answers were yes and yes). It may sound childish, but I want to be with my cat in heaven if there is one. It would be cool to be able to communicate with my cat in new ways in the afterlife and achieve new understanding. Like I said, I know this sounds like kid stuff - but I'm just a big kid!!

Bye bye rabbi

Well, I fired my rabbi. He was never availble at a time convenient for me. He would repeatedly tell me to call him at a certain time, then he would have an excuse why he wasn't available, and would promise to call back at another certain time, and he either never called back at all, or he would call much later than he had promised, often when I had already given up and gone to bed. So I e-mailed him that I don't think the partnership is working out, and requested a refund, though I don't know if he will give one. If he doesn't, then I guess my most valuable "lesson" learned in the whole deal is to never pay anything in advance where a service is concerned, because you never know what kind of "service" you are going to get!

I am not totally giving up on studying Judaism, however. I contacted another rabbi (a woman) who I had met at a Torah study group, and she answered some questions I had, and she urged me to continue my studies. So I will continue to read up on the religion, try to attend more sabbath services, and perhaps go back to trying to eat kosher (I succeeded for about a month, then sort of fell off the wagon).

Meanwhile, I'm continuing in my Baha'i study circle. I really enjoy it. Now I need to internalize the teachings, which are basically about being kind to others and praying regularly. I'm not always very kind, and it is hard to think about prayer in the daily rat race. I need to strive to overcome these weaknesses and be a better person.

First Baha'i Study Circle

Forgot to mention, last Sunday evening I went to my first Baha'i study circle meeting. There were only three of us, including the leader, but there may be additional people joining up. I enjoyed it very much. It consisted of us using a workbook to read various quotes from their prophet and/or his son, and answering questions about them, like what the quotes meant on a deep level. It was interesting to tease out what certain words meant to each person; no two (or should I say, three) perspectives were alike. The other non-leader participant was kind of cute. I think he is of Iranian descent though he grew up in the states. He's divorced, so hey, he might be available! But hey, I am not looking for romance, so it's just fine if he's not, or if I'm not his type, or whatever!! :-)

The latest

Unfortunately, I have missed the last Unitarian Universalist religious ed classes, because two weeks ago I had my pupils dilated at an eye exam and couldn't see well enough to drive far, and last night wasn't feeling particularly well. I hope to go next Tuesday.

My experiment with eating kosher has pretty much ended, but I may try to restart it... I have just found myself craving cheeseburgers the last few days. Plus they are cheaper than kosher burgers!

At lunch, my conservative coworkers were talking about how some NY Muslims want to build a mosque near Ground Zero, and how they shouldn't be allowed to do that. One compared it to Nazis setting up shop near Auschwitz. What an analogy... I say, let the Muslims build wherever they want to. All Muslims shouldn't be painted with the same brush as the misguided souls who attacked this country. They represent a few bad apples who tarnish the reputation of all Muslims as a result. All Muslims shouldn't be punished for the sins of a few...