Not a spiritual entry, really... well, maybe a little

I am proud to announce that I have adopted a new cat. He is a Siamese/Snowshoe mix, 5 months old, and I named him Yuki (Japanese for "snow"). The "spiritual" part of our story is as follows... When I decided it might be nice to give my cat, Murray, a companion since I work a lot of hours and am gone a lot, I found Yuki (then named "Friedrich") on petfinder.com. He was described as very mellow and loving, and I thought he'd be a good fit with Murray, personality-wise, since Murray is pretty laid-back and affectionate, too. So I contacted the rescue org about "Friedrich," and was at first told I could meet him the next day, but then was told he was already spoken for, and someone else would be picking him up for adoption. So I was disappointed. But the next day, I got a call that the other person had never shown up, so I could still see "Friedrich" if I were still interested. So I went down to the PetSmart where the rescue org had brought its animals to show (coincidentally, it was my neighborhood PetSmart), and I checked out Friedrich/Yuki, held him, petted him, etc. And I decided to adopt him and bring him home. So, it seems like in a way it was fated to all fall into place for me, with that other guy not showing up to claim Yuki. His loss, my gain.

I am very, very glad to have found Yuki. He is a sweetheart. He was very skittish and frightened the first couple days... went running to hide whenever I made a move, wouldn't let me pet him at first, etc. But within a couple days, he seemed settled in, and couldn't get enough of my petting. I kept Yuki and Murray separate for the first couple days. But when I told the rescue org lady that they had been playing "paws under the door" with each other, she said they were ready to meet face to face. So, though I had just gotten Yuki on a Saturday, on Monday already, I opened the door between them and let them meet.

Yuki was happy to see Murray (he was used to other animals, in foster care) and tried to make friends, but Murray was visibly upset/shellshocked, and responded by chasing Yuki repeatedly and batting at him with his paw. Not to hurt him, just to show him who was boss. But within the next couple days, the chasing largely stopped - mainly because Yuki stopped running away, realizing that Murray wasn't going to hurt him. Murray was just batting at him and giving extremely gentle nips on the back. Nothing too horrific. Murray also paid less attention to Yuki and concentrated on paying attention to me. He began to seem more cheerful, playing with his toys (which he usually only does in an extremely good mood) and otherwise acting normally, with the exception of the occasional swipe at Yuki.

At this point, they are behaving well enough with each other for me to trust them alone together. They were alone for the first time yesterday, and all was well when I came home. So they're alone together again today. Got my fingers crossed all will continue to go well...

The choice

I have chosen to become a Baha'i. This faith resonates with me, and I really like the Baha'is I have met thus far.

Meanwhile, my rabbi ripped me off. He provided unreliable service, so I "fired" him, and he only refunded me for five lessons instead of seven or eight. So I reported him to the AZ Attorney Genl's Office and the Better Biz Bureau. Guess you can't trust anyone these days!

Never really got anywhere with Quakerism. I decided that a service that consisted primarily of sitting in silence wasn't for fidgety, impatient me!

Holy mackerel

I have gone through my wardrobe - first the mountains of dirty clothes, then the jam-packed closet full of clean clothes - and purged nearly 300 items I plan to give to charity! (And that doesn't even include the five grocery bags' worth I gave to the non-charity resale shop.) I carefully itemized each one for tax-deduction purposes, assigning a value based on the Salv Army and Goodwill tables, trying to lowball it if anything so the IRS couldn't say I was too extravagant in my estimates.... and all told, my nearly 300 items are worth over $1700 for tax deduction purposes!! Imagine how much money I would have today if I hadn't bought all those clothes, new. No wonder I'm so deep in debt.

I knew I had a fetish for clothing, but I never realized how intense the sickness was till now. I didn't even realize I had as many clothes as I had. I guess those manic episodes just caused me to go wild, and they accumulated, and accumulated...

Now I need to be disciplined and not buy any more clothes for a while. I think I'm pretty much set for life, so no need!

Switching gears, I am finding myself really pulled toward the Baha'i faith, while I am pretty much deciding that Judaism is not the path for me. And I still need to try a Quaker service. If I can ever get up early enough on a Sunday.

I might very well end up in the Baha'i camp...

Detachment

I am reading some Baha'i writings, and they talk quite a bit about detachment - not being wrapped up in the material things of this world, that are temporary and ultimately meaningless. As I look about my bedroom, overrun by dirty clothes bags (even as my closet overflows with clean clothes), I realize how misplaced my value of clothes (and shoes, which have also taken over my apartment) has been. In an effort to fill an empty place inside, and/or motivated by manic frenzies in which I wanted every pretty thing to wear that I saw, I have amassed more clothes than 10 women could ever need in a lifetime. Or worse. I can't even find any of my jeans in my mountains of dirty clothes, so I can't do "casual week" at my workplace. Now, THAT is definitely a sign that I have way too many clothes!

I think I am ready, having fed my clothing appetite until I absolutely gorged myself, to rise above this petty attachment to material goods and detach myself from them. I can still enjoy wearing nice clothes, but I certainly won't buy anymore, and I won't be as vain about those I do have. Same thing with shoes - no new shoes, and less elevation of them to a show-off symbol. I can probably save a ton of money by curbing my shopping madness. I wonder how much better off I would be financially if I had reached the satisfaction/detachment level sooner.

One problem is, I like my clothes so much (I am good about only buying things I really like) that I can't find it in my heart to give them away, usually, and then I buy more, so I'm just always adding and adding and never getting rid of things I decide I don't want. But it is time to stop. Time to detach. I will probably never wear out any of the clothes I now have, since I have so many that I never wear any one thing too many times, with the exception of underwear. I am set for life. Same thing with shoes. So I can focus on other things. Deeper things. More meaningful things. Such as my spiritual life.

Lifestyle ideals

Yesterday at the UU Building Your Own Theology class, we had a worksheet to do on which a number of different lifestyle types were presented, from severely introverted to severely extroverted, and we had to rate how appealing or unappealing these lifestyles would each be for us. It was good food for thought. I think I would come down right in the middle. I am slightly more on the introvert side, so the lifestyles that emphasize finding value in "alone time" tended to have more appeal for me, but I also value my friendships and doing things with my friends, so I would not want to be totally alone all the time. My best friend may be my cat, but that doesn't mean I don't value my human friends. :-)

We also had to list five principles/convictions/values we held of a religious nature. One of mine was following the Golden Rule, but I acknowledged that it is a tough rule to follow for me because I lack patience with people. I need to work on that...

Rabbi refund

I don't think I posted this yet, I will be receiving a refund from the rabbi. He totally apologized after I "fired" him, saying he let me down, he flaked out (his words, but also the way I described it privately), he was too consumed with family crises to give me proper attention, etc. I'm glad I will get a refund - I desperately need the money, for school as well as bills.

At least I know another rabbi, a woman. I may have mentioned her before. She answered some questions for me (for free, no less!), including whether animals have a soul and can go to Paradise (the answers were yes and yes). It may sound childish, but I want to be with my cat in heaven if there is one. It would be cool to be able to communicate with my cat in new ways in the afterlife and achieve new understanding. Like I said, I know this sounds like kid stuff - but I'm just a big kid!!

Bye bye rabbi

Well, I fired my rabbi. He was never availble at a time convenient for me. He would repeatedly tell me to call him at a certain time, then he would have an excuse why he wasn't available, and would promise to call back at another certain time, and he either never called back at all, or he would call much later than he had promised, often when I had already given up and gone to bed. So I e-mailed him that I don't think the partnership is working out, and requested a refund, though I don't know if he will give one. If he doesn't, then I guess my most valuable "lesson" learned in the whole deal is to never pay anything in advance where a service is concerned, because you never know what kind of "service" you are going to get!

I am not totally giving up on studying Judaism, however. I contacted another rabbi (a woman) who I had met at a Torah study group, and she answered some questions I had, and she urged me to continue my studies. So I will continue to read up on the religion, try to attend more sabbath services, and perhaps go back to trying to eat kosher (I succeeded for about a month, then sort of fell off the wagon).

Meanwhile, I'm continuing in my Baha'i study circle. I really enjoy it. Now I need to internalize the teachings, which are basically about being kind to others and praying regularly. I'm not always very kind, and it is hard to think about prayer in the daily rat race. I need to strive to overcome these weaknesses and be a better person.

First Baha'i Study Circle

Forgot to mention, last Sunday evening I went to my first Baha'i study circle meeting. There were only three of us, including the leader, but there may be additional people joining up. I enjoyed it very much. It consisted of us using a workbook to read various quotes from their prophet and/or his son, and answering questions about them, like what the quotes meant on a deep level. It was interesting to tease out what certain words meant to each person; no two (or should I say, three) perspectives were alike. The other non-leader participant was kind of cute. I think he is of Iranian descent though he grew up in the states. He's divorced, so hey, he might be available! But hey, I am not looking for romance, so it's just fine if he's not, or if I'm not his type, or whatever!! :-)

The latest

Unfortunately, I have missed the last Unitarian Universalist religious ed classes, because two weeks ago I had my pupils dilated at an eye exam and couldn't see well enough to drive far, and last night wasn't feeling particularly well. I hope to go next Tuesday.

My experiment with eating kosher has pretty much ended, but I may try to restart it... I have just found myself craving cheeseburgers the last few days. Plus they are cheaper than kosher burgers!

At lunch, my conservative coworkers were talking about how some NY Muslims want to build a mosque near Ground Zero, and how they shouldn't be allowed to do that. One compared it to Nazis setting up shop near Auschwitz. What an analogy... I say, let the Muslims build wherever they want to. All Muslims shouldn't be painted with the same brush as the misguided souls who attacked this country. They represent a few bad apples who tarnish the reputation of all Muslims as a result. All Muslims shouldn't be punished for the sins of a few...

Update

I had hoped to attend a synagogue service this past Saturday, or maybe a Quaker meeting on Sunday, but I ended up sleeping in both mornings. Shame on me! But Sunday night, I had tea with a local Baha'i woman, and she gave a little lecture on key Baha'i beliefs, which I pretty much already knew from reading books on the faith. But I listened politely. She said she is trying to get a study circle together for the purposes of reading Baha'i teachings, and I would like to join it. I may not join the faith formally, but I think their prophet's writings are worth studying. The hardest part for me about joining would be the obligatory 19-day fast in spring. Ugh. Fasting isn't my style, with my appetite!

I tried to get in touch with my rabbi on Thursday for our scheduled lesson, but I got his voice mail and he never called me back. He didn't get the message, somehow. He gave me a different number to try calling, and I will call him tonight for another attempt at a lesson. I have plenty of questions for him.

Life

Not much new on the spiritual front lately. Haven't had a session with the rabbi in a couple weeks, because he was consumed by family crises, then I was out of town and too tired for our session this past week. Being out of town, I didn't get to attend any services this past weekend. This coming weekend, I hope to get my lazy butt out of bed and attend both Saturday synagogue services and a Quaker meeting on Sunday.

At our Building Your Own Theology class last night, we talked about the nature of God. I'm pretty much the only one in the group who believes in a personal relationship with God. Others either don't believe in a higher power, or believe in a deistic God who created the world and takes no real interest in it. (My argument is why would God even bother to create the world if he/she was not going to take an interest in it afterward?)

Our BYOT leader proposed to his girlfriend publicly at the UU General Assembly in front of thousands of people. That's pretty neat. However, I'm not envious. I remain committed to the single life. I think I was meant to be on my own. Relationships literally drive me crazy. I am much more sane when I am single. It helps that I have a cat to love, who gives me unconditional affection. I don't know if I could care about a partner as much as I care for my cat, which might sound pretty sad, but it's true... just because my cat is consistent in giving love, is not hard to understand, and makes me the center of his universe. Hard not to reciprocate all that...

Torah study

I attended my first Torah study group yesterday. The rabbi had no beard, and actually wore a skirt... yes, it was a FEMALE rabbi! That was a surprise. I hadn't even known that women could be rabbis. But I guess it is acceptable for Reform Jews (not Orthodox, however). She wore a little gold and pearl yamulke. She seemed pretty sharp. She did a good job of interpreting the text for us. She's fairly young and quite dynamic. I hope to see her again, if I attend the Torah study group on a regular basis. They're recessing for the summer, however.

At the gathering yesterday, I was introduced to a new Jewish dish - kugel/kegel (not sure how to spell, and it's pronounced two different possible ways). It's a noodle pudding of some sort. Very, very good. I'm liking the Jewish food I'm discovering so far.

I'm currently reading a book called "Judaism for Everyone," about how Jewish values can apply to the lives of all people, not just Jews. It states that Judaism is about the triumph of superior "feminine" values over inferior, aggressive "masculine" vallues. It puts spirituality and morality over military might, etc. And it states that because of Jewish focus on morality, other peoples have persecuted the Jews because they have seen Jews as "pests" who have sought to spoil their "fun." Some interesting food for thought.

Hopefully God will forgive me...

I was "bad" this past weekend. I slept in instead of going to the Jewish services on Saturday morning or the Quaker service I had planned to attend on Sunday morning. But both days I did read about religion (Judaism and Baha'i), so I did expand my mind/spirit. And Sunday night I dined with some local Baha'is. I broke kosher for that one evening, because the hosts served chicken, and being sort of the guest of honor, I didn't want to insult them. I tried not to eat too much of it. The Baha'is gave me their best sales pitch, complete with DVD. They seem like nice people, and I see no reason not to join a study circle the hosts are trying to put together. Their prophet, Baha'u'llah, has many wise and thoughtful writings, so they are worth studying, and he does seem to be prophetic in many ways. In any event, it certainly wouldn't hurt to study his writings and learn from his wisdom.

We talked last night about human nature, at my UU Building Your Own Theology course. Our task for next week is to compose a "credo" about what we consider human nature to be like. I will take a stab at it here:

I believe that humans are a highly evolved form of mammals that are set apart from other animals by self-consciousness, spirituality (in most cases), and a superior intellect and ability to reason. We also experience a wider range of emotions than other animals. Humans experience strong passions and drives, along with a socially prescribed philosophy (in most cases) that these passions and drives should be moderated and held in check, for the good of society as a whole. Humans possess the capacity for both great good/altruism and great evil/self-centeredness, though it must be said that "good and evil" are largely socially-defined concepts that can vary from culture to culture. However, I do believe that some things are purely evil or good no matter what culture you come from - for example, the Holocaust is evil no matter how you look at it, and figures like Mother Teresa cannot have their innate goodness questioned by anyone. I think the environment plays a big role in shaping human character, but inborn traits do exist, as well as genetic factors such as mental illness, in some cases, that affect behavior and "character." I think most human beings are well-intentioned, but many cannot rise above self-centeredness and achieve true transcendance of the self to place the good of humanity as a whole above their own needs and desires. I think most people simply try to "muddle through" life the best they can, with many of them mired in confusion about how exactly to go about doing so and what their essential purpose in life might be.

As for what that purpose is, I think it is to expand the mind and strengthen the soul. It is to go beyond oneself and see the larger reality, the interconnectedness of all people and things, the temporary nature of this world and its material things, and the promise of (hopefully!) an infinitely better life to come in the next world, if indeed there is a God/Creator who will one day summon us to the afterlife. Even if there is no afterlife, and this life is all we have, we must look beyond the self and strive to make this world the best place possible to live for as many people as possible. We should shun war and hatred and prejudice, and instead embrace diversity and seek unity; we should endeavor to eliminate gross inequalities in wealth; we should not let differences of class, race, gender, sexual orientation, or religious belief divide us. In short, we should live in the spirit of harmony and peace. The "evil" and selfish side of human nature often prevents this in practice, but it is important to uphold altruistic principles as something to strive for as an ideal...

Everything happens for a reason

Well, I ended up having a phone lesson with my rabbi for my first lesson yesterday, because he had to suddenly go to CA due to his grandmother being in a (perhaps intentional, on her part) one-car accident. But even with more important things going on in his life, he still thought of me, which I thought was really nice of him. Our conversation was interrupted a few times by him losing service during the drive, and during one of the interruptions, my mom called to tell me she was in the hospital with pneumonia. Since she is going to be 79 in a couple months, it made me really worry. But the rabbi, once I got back on the phone with him, was very comforting, saying "it's all good" - even if the "worst" were to happen, she would be with God in Paradise, and if the "best" were to happen, she'll be fine and recover quickly. I think my spiritual quest, which brought this rabbi into my life, was meant to happen now, when I need some spirituality to get me through the worry.

It also helps that I called the nurses station last night and they said she should be okay; they're running some tests and giving her antibiotics, and hopefully she will be home soon. That reassured me too.

Let's just hope God isn't ready for her yet!

The joys of kosher

I am actually enjoying my efforts to eat kosher. It has become a ritual that reminds me of my faith every time I eat. I do feel more "holy" for doing it, and I am probably eating a lot healthier than when I had McDonalds or Burger King or Wendy's hamburgers all the time. I can get a good, non-greasy grilled kosher burger at the Scottsdale Deli and Grill, or a yummy bologna or turkey sandwich, and buy a nice selection of kosher food at the adjoining market. It may be more expensive than shopping at Fry's, but as long as I feel I am benefitting from it, it is worth it.

More similar than different

I read about the Quakers last night, and they seemed very similar in their beliefs to the Baha'i faith and Judaism (and Unitarian Universalism), or at least not incompatible. They lack a creed, but believe in a personal connection with God (the "inner light") and the divine spark of life in every person. I don't see any reason why I couldn't identify myself with ALL of these religions - be a Jewish/Baha'i/Quaker/UU, and attend different services and study circles as I see fit. I like the Quakers' stance, similar to the UUs, regarding homosexuality - that it's absolutely to be accepted. Essentially, a lot of what the Quakers believe resonates with me (with the possible exception of "simplicity" - I love my material things, like clothes and shoes, too much to live "simply") - the pacifism, the belief in honesty at all times, the "inner light," the belief in protecting the environment, belief in connections with all living things, etc. I have found all four religions - Judaism, Baha'i, Quakerism, and UU'ism - to speak to me in their various ways, with very little to really disagree with. Other than the fact that I don't believe in the Bible absolutely literally but as a somewhat historical record that contains much that is symbolic. I don't know how my rabbi would feel about that. But I think the other three faiths would concur with my sentiments. Though some Quakers may take the Bible literally. Quakers vary in their beliefs, just like the UUs, since there is no creed; some don't even believe in God, but are still spiritual and feel a life force that permeates all living things.

Next I'll start reading "The Complete Idiot's Guide to Judaism." My rabbi had said that would be an okay book to start with when I ran it by him. So, that will give us something to talk about at our meeting Thursday. I'm looking forward to it.

Also looking forward to my second UU religious ed class tonight....

Mazel tov!

I enjoyed my first Jewish service on Saturday morning. It really resonated with me and inspired me spiritually, with its emotional focus on God, mixed with the history of the Jewish people. Even if I can't claim that history personally, as a Gentile, I can relate to it and appreciate it.

Well, I was the most "observant" woman in the building, LOL. My rabbi had told me to dress conservatively and even wear a hat or other head covering, but there was only one other woman in a hat, and my skirt was probably the longest in the congregation. And I was one of the few women in long sleeves on a 100-degree day. Some females were even in sleeveless outfits, especially the teens - many of them wore spaghetti-strap dresses with shortish skirts. So... I took the hat back to the store (I'm not a hat person at all; I'd never wear it). In the future, I won't dress so conservatively - I will wear short sleeves, and maybe still a long skirt - but no hat!

Did some shopping at the Jewish market yesterday. Tried blintzes... yum!!!

I'm reading a book on the Baha'i, and they don't seem to conflict with Judaism at all. They accept all the Jewish prophets (as well as Jesus and Muhammad as prophets, along with their founder, Baha'u'llah), and many of the teachings and concepts seem similar. I see no reason not to study both faiths. The book is really resonating with me and I find myself agreeing with just about everything in it.

Next Sunday, I'm going to try the Quakers. I hope to do some preperatory reading this week before attending their service. And Saturday I plan to go to temple again. So it will be a busy religious weekend for me. And of course Thursday night I start my studies with my rabbi, and Tuesday night is BYOT at VUU...

In addition to getting my spiritual life in order, I am trying to get my "outer" life in order as well - cleaning my apartment and my car. I got the car cleaned out over the weekend, and most of my apartment... cleared lots of clutter. I still have a couple areas of the apt to clean. But overall, I'd no longer be embarrassed for someone to enter my apartment. It doesn't look like a total slob lives there anymore!

Keepin' it kosher

I had dinner last night at one of the kosher restaurants my rabbi had recommended, and had the best bologna sandwich I had ever had. Made Oscar Mayer look like nothing. Thick-cut and very tasty. Worth the $10 price, which was the cheapest thing on the menu. (A roast beef sandwich costs $20!) The lady at the counter was from Israel, and she was interested in the fact that I am an outsider studying Judaism, because she never knew anyone who did this (in Israel, most "outsiders" are Arabs, and she said they don't tend to study Judaism!). I got hungry again later in the evening, so I had rice-a-roni with cheese sauce. That should be all right. I have beef rice-a-roni, but wasn't sure if that would be okay, even though there's no real beef in it, just beef flavoring. My rabbi said to check for a kosher symbol on food to see if it's kosher or not. So I'll start doing that when grocery shopping.

I talked to an Orthodox Jewish lady at work (she says she's a convert). She invited me to lunch next week to talk about the faith. We'll go to the cafe at the Jewish Community Center. I look forward to it. (She told me, "Welcome to the tribe!")

Meanwhile, a bunch of books on various religions are available at the Scottsdale library for me to pick up - on Quakerism, Baha''i, and Judaism. So I'll be doing lots of reading this summer!

Going a step further

I had sworn I wouldn't do the whole head-covering thing, but my rabbi suggested I wear a hat or other head covering to the Jewish service I plan to visit on Saturday, so I bit the bullet and bought a hat from Nordstrom; I will pick it up after work today. It's cute, a cloth slouch-type thing that covers the whole head. I don't look good in fancy hats. But this, I think I can pull off. http://shop.nordstrom.com/S/3094769?Category=&Search=True&SearchType=keywordsearch&keyword=hats&origin=searchresults

Sampling different congregations

Actually, the congregation my rabbi had wanted me to check out was Temple Solel. He really recommends the rabbi there. Though he had no problem with Kol Ami. So I think I will try Kol Ami next Friday night just for kicks, and Solel this Saturday morning (June 5), because they have a Saturday morning service. My rabbi has advised me to wear a hat or other head covering, so that made me break my moratorium on shopping. I found a fashionable cloth slouch hat online at Nordstrom's that I could order and go pick up in the store. It was under $30, so not too bad. I'm not really a hat person, but this one shouldn't make me look TOO stupid.