Not a spiritual entry, really... well, maybe a little

I am proud to announce that I have adopted a new cat. He is a Siamese/Snowshoe mix, 5 months old, and I named him Yuki (Japanese for "snow"). The "spiritual" part of our story is as follows... When I decided it might be nice to give my cat, Murray, a companion since I work a lot of hours and am gone a lot, I found Yuki (then named "Friedrich") on petfinder.com. He was described as very mellow and loving, and I thought he'd be a good fit with Murray, personality-wise, since Murray is pretty laid-back and affectionate, too. So I contacted the rescue org about "Friedrich," and was at first told I could meet him the next day, but then was told he was already spoken for, and someone else would be picking him up for adoption. So I was disappointed. But the next day, I got a call that the other person had never shown up, so I could still see "Friedrich" if I were still interested. So I went down to the PetSmart where the rescue org had brought its animals to show (coincidentally, it was my neighborhood PetSmart), and I checked out Friedrich/Yuki, held him, petted him, etc. And I decided to adopt him and bring him home. So, it seems like in a way it was fated to all fall into place for me, with that other guy not showing up to claim Yuki. His loss, my gain.

I am very, very glad to have found Yuki. He is a sweetheart. He was very skittish and frightened the first couple days... went running to hide whenever I made a move, wouldn't let me pet him at first, etc. But within a couple days, he seemed settled in, and couldn't get enough of my petting. I kept Yuki and Murray separate for the first couple days. But when I told the rescue org lady that they had been playing "paws under the door" with each other, she said they were ready to meet face to face. So, though I had just gotten Yuki on a Saturday, on Monday already, I opened the door between them and let them meet.

Yuki was happy to see Murray (he was used to other animals, in foster care) and tried to make friends, but Murray was visibly upset/shellshocked, and responded by chasing Yuki repeatedly and batting at him with his paw. Not to hurt him, just to show him who was boss. But within the next couple days, the chasing largely stopped - mainly because Yuki stopped running away, realizing that Murray wasn't going to hurt him. Murray was just batting at him and giving extremely gentle nips on the back. Nothing too horrific. Murray also paid less attention to Yuki and concentrated on paying attention to me. He began to seem more cheerful, playing with his toys (which he usually only does in an extremely good mood) and otherwise acting normally, with the exception of the occasional swipe at Yuki.

At this point, they are behaving well enough with each other for me to trust them alone together. They were alone for the first time yesterday, and all was well when I came home. So they're alone together again today. Got my fingers crossed all will continue to go well...

The choice

I have chosen to become a Baha'i. This faith resonates with me, and I really like the Baha'is I have met thus far.

Meanwhile, my rabbi ripped me off. He provided unreliable service, so I "fired" him, and he only refunded me for five lessons instead of seven or eight. So I reported him to the AZ Attorney Genl's Office and the Better Biz Bureau. Guess you can't trust anyone these days!

Never really got anywhere with Quakerism. I decided that a service that consisted primarily of sitting in silence wasn't for fidgety, impatient me!

Holy mackerel

I have gone through my wardrobe - first the mountains of dirty clothes, then the jam-packed closet full of clean clothes - and purged nearly 300 items I plan to give to charity! (And that doesn't even include the five grocery bags' worth I gave to the non-charity resale shop.) I carefully itemized each one for tax-deduction purposes, assigning a value based on the Salv Army and Goodwill tables, trying to lowball it if anything so the IRS couldn't say I was too extravagant in my estimates.... and all told, my nearly 300 items are worth over $1700 for tax deduction purposes!! Imagine how much money I would have today if I hadn't bought all those clothes, new. No wonder I'm so deep in debt.

I knew I had a fetish for clothing, but I never realized how intense the sickness was till now. I didn't even realize I had as many clothes as I had. I guess those manic episodes just caused me to go wild, and they accumulated, and accumulated...

Now I need to be disciplined and not buy any more clothes for a while. I think I'm pretty much set for life, so no need!

Switching gears, I am finding myself really pulled toward the Baha'i faith, while I am pretty much deciding that Judaism is not the path for me. And I still need to try a Quaker service. If I can ever get up early enough on a Sunday.

I might very well end up in the Baha'i camp...

Detachment

I am reading some Baha'i writings, and they talk quite a bit about detachment - not being wrapped up in the material things of this world, that are temporary and ultimately meaningless. As I look about my bedroom, overrun by dirty clothes bags (even as my closet overflows with clean clothes), I realize how misplaced my value of clothes (and shoes, which have also taken over my apartment) has been. In an effort to fill an empty place inside, and/or motivated by manic frenzies in which I wanted every pretty thing to wear that I saw, I have amassed more clothes than 10 women could ever need in a lifetime. Or worse. I can't even find any of my jeans in my mountains of dirty clothes, so I can't do "casual week" at my workplace. Now, THAT is definitely a sign that I have way too many clothes!

I think I am ready, having fed my clothing appetite until I absolutely gorged myself, to rise above this petty attachment to material goods and detach myself from them. I can still enjoy wearing nice clothes, but I certainly won't buy anymore, and I won't be as vain about those I do have. Same thing with shoes - no new shoes, and less elevation of them to a show-off symbol. I can probably save a ton of money by curbing my shopping madness. I wonder how much better off I would be financially if I had reached the satisfaction/detachment level sooner.

One problem is, I like my clothes so much (I am good about only buying things I really like) that I can't find it in my heart to give them away, usually, and then I buy more, so I'm just always adding and adding and never getting rid of things I decide I don't want. But it is time to stop. Time to detach. I will probably never wear out any of the clothes I now have, since I have so many that I never wear any one thing too many times, with the exception of underwear. I am set for life. Same thing with shoes. So I can focus on other things. Deeper things. More meaningful things. Such as my spiritual life.

Lifestyle ideals

Yesterday at the UU Building Your Own Theology class, we had a worksheet to do on which a number of different lifestyle types were presented, from severely introverted to severely extroverted, and we had to rate how appealing or unappealing these lifestyles would each be for us. It was good food for thought. I think I would come down right in the middle. I am slightly more on the introvert side, so the lifestyles that emphasize finding value in "alone time" tended to have more appeal for me, but I also value my friendships and doing things with my friends, so I would not want to be totally alone all the time. My best friend may be my cat, but that doesn't mean I don't value my human friends. :-)

We also had to list five principles/convictions/values we held of a religious nature. One of mine was following the Golden Rule, but I acknowledged that it is a tough rule to follow for me because I lack patience with people. I need to work on that...

Rabbi refund

I don't think I posted this yet, I will be receiving a refund from the rabbi. He totally apologized after I "fired" him, saying he let me down, he flaked out (his words, but also the way I described it privately), he was too consumed with family crises to give me proper attention, etc. I'm glad I will get a refund - I desperately need the money, for school as well as bills.

At least I know another rabbi, a woman. I may have mentioned her before. She answered some questions for me (for free, no less!), including whether animals have a soul and can go to Paradise (the answers were yes and yes). It may sound childish, but I want to be with my cat in heaven if there is one. It would be cool to be able to communicate with my cat in new ways in the afterlife and achieve new understanding. Like I said, I know this sounds like kid stuff - but I'm just a big kid!!

Bye bye rabbi

Well, I fired my rabbi. He was never availble at a time convenient for me. He would repeatedly tell me to call him at a certain time, then he would have an excuse why he wasn't available, and would promise to call back at another certain time, and he either never called back at all, or he would call much later than he had promised, often when I had already given up and gone to bed. So I e-mailed him that I don't think the partnership is working out, and requested a refund, though I don't know if he will give one. If he doesn't, then I guess my most valuable "lesson" learned in the whole deal is to never pay anything in advance where a service is concerned, because you never know what kind of "service" you are going to get!

I am not totally giving up on studying Judaism, however. I contacted another rabbi (a woman) who I had met at a Torah study group, and she answered some questions I had, and she urged me to continue my studies. So I will continue to read up on the religion, try to attend more sabbath services, and perhaps go back to trying to eat kosher (I succeeded for about a month, then sort of fell off the wagon).

Meanwhile, I'm continuing in my Baha'i study circle. I really enjoy it. Now I need to internalize the teachings, which are basically about being kind to others and praying regularly. I'm not always very kind, and it is hard to think about prayer in the daily rat race. I need to strive to overcome these weaknesses and be a better person.